she beats inside me


Some stories touch our heart and some walk with us through out our journey and the kind hearted left one or two that resides in our brain are those stories that enhance our mutual belief of living in the right place with safe vitalities.


Since the day we were born we were told that in order to live a healthy and happy life there is a long list of criteria to be followed and it is pre-requisite to handle all the journey stress alone, they told us all repeated stories they have heard all their life and the same story keeps repeating as if someone is playing this threaded mutual beneficial storytelling and governance.



Even today, when I wake up, the initial fear that my neighbour would run faster than me because I might have lost one mark or two, or might have left something they do, this thought is not mine, but they don’t leave me. It takes time to remind me that this journey is mine and no matter what I have to live its happy moments, feel the pain, build my own emperor and experience the whole journey. At the end like we all know the only thing that will go with us is memories, nothing else, simply nothing else.

I know there are millions of stories around that may inspire us to think differently, choose our own given ways and find our own vitalities. I have heard many; I have seen many but the one lady who touches my life with her story, long black abundant hair, divine lotus smile, a single traditional long Indian Sari with her waving Pallu and light weighted gold ear rings, her simplicity inspired many around her to believe in living Goddess.  She never demanded expensive adventures except for her family, and people she lived for.

We lived in an urban town, a small place where life is just a neighbourhood, we live like a family and there is no way that a couple could kiss around wondering nobody will notice. That lady lived near me, almost every time, I saw her, I noticed her, I tried to copy the way she walk and I never had to do efforts, it was so natural to adopt her.

Those days we were dealing with some kind of family disturbances, she knew that. Her daughter was having some rare heart defect, even having abundant medical care she was not able to recover, the common fear of losing her daughter at any instance made her weak as well, not only she was falling her health ,she was gradually losing her confidence in life and the lady who gave reasons to many around her to grab their life again was losing her own. Call it life’s kidding adventure or simply fate she held the bed beside her daughter. All her life revolved around her, she could not bear to lose her at any cost.

One day in her semi-conscious state her daughter heard someone crying beside her mother, that was her own father crying ,asking mercy for his family, she heard him say something that she could not understand at the moment, all she remember was that she was shocked at that statement, her mother was convincing him something, something that he was not able to adopt.

That day, they took her and I kept watching, I kept watching, she was being taken away from me, something was being snatched, I felt as if someone from the root was taken away as if this tree will never grow. She helped our cook to re-establish her broken family, she helped her get re-married after her drunk husband killed on of their children, she helped her understand that living with right person is necessary than living with wrong beliefs. She helped our gardener uncle to heal his half bearable heart and pain of staying away from his son due to his daughter-in-law, she helped him forgive her and let him educate himself so that he could come up with his dream, and he always wanted to be a writer.

the story keeps going, from a small scale business to a large firm she educated women with right social belief, she gave employment to ladies who lost their families in flood, she made food for people who could not support their family for some reasons.

Tears could not explain the worth she held, everybody broke.

Ask me, it was intentional; she grew unhealthy at an instance intentionally, she died to donate her organs to her dying daughter.

The whole town gathered to bid her the last bye, they lost their Goddess they said and I lost my mom. They can recover this pain after some days but “she beats inside me” everyday, every moment.


You can always find a way to inspire yourself here.



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