Beautiful as it looks

We all have a unique feature and that turns out to be our secret power. Few are good at manifesting their heart desires by simply getting into anybody’s vibrational field and lick their energy and Ta duh aaah!

We all know that but reluctant to believe or reveal. People tend to lie and steal a lot but these set of people get tired and lonely soon because something in them resists all the time.

A good philosopher once said ‘ lie to the depth of the sea because the golden shells have only red beads’

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It’s a tube light moment

You know when I learnt to ride my bicycle I denied staying at home anymore, I knew that there is something which would change my mechanical energy to a vibrational good feeling. I rode outside our home and one day a dog followed me. I rode faster and ultimately bicycle’s chains gave up and I fell down. The dog ran towards me and I just took a spell bound last breath, I thought for a moment that I might die. He came and licked my face. We became friends. I had a pet by then.

You know when I look at that moment and feel how stubborn I have always been. I was always ambitious and gracious and we all do and true challenge appears when we meet better people. Sometimes we appreciate and sometimes we flip. It is a good life lesson, not to hurry things or regret.

Black, my pet taught me the journey. Today it’s his birthday when I met him. We are not together anymore but I know he is my guardian and we will meet again, may be not in the same drift way but may be much better memory will form.

I believe we keep meeting people we loose, I have seen people reunite. There are people I wait to come back again so that I could know that I am not alone.

#HappyBithday

Dear step mother,

Dear step mother,

That is obvious that you were not faithful to bear children of your own. I feel sorry about it. With time things haven’t changed, you are similarly cruel and un-polite but I manage myself with some respect. Those thousand tears I have shaded with pain remind me how un-forgetful those events in my life were when my friends were preparing their good for examinations and I was washing your plates. Not that I am afraid of doing households but they have their initial time, I wasn’t prepared. I was just a kid and it was difficult for me to judge between a real mother and an adopted mother. You were welcomed to the family and for years I kept thinking that there was something wrong with me. I have punished myself because may be I thought I have hurt you by not following your minute orders. I still remember that I remember nothing from my mathematics class. You have no idea how much regretful I am for those days, I wanted to study. Only if you knew how much I have loved doing that. I am sorry for myself, for being so terrible on you sometimes. That was reflexive emotions, I had nothing to do with the reflex you have experienced though me. I have slept with hunger, I have slept with scars, I have slept with many pains. Afraid to share that but things were harsh, things are harsh. I am born girl but that is alright right, you are a girl too ( a woman may be), well I be a woman in few years too. If grace stays I will be a mother too. Let that be a thing to delay but what was so wrong with you, why did you beat me on roads, in front of my friends, called their parents and told how characterless I was. Are you sick? If so, please tell me, I earn now, I can afford your mental health. If that sickness hurts you tell me because I know how that feels. Those scars are visible to me, on my chest, on my heart and in various places of my body few of them are so deep that emotional reflexes have stopped now. I am not saying that you are bad; you were just not good to me. I don’t know why, I have been a good person to you always.

People do not understand my weird behavior, neither do I? I am just hurt, may be too hurt to resist the pillow of harm. I just get through those days when my brain typically remembers those nights and I faint.

Today when I was leaving for my masters you did that again. My dreams are broken, what do you get out of this? I am just scared to step out of the house, this four walls and internet (thank god, internet) saved my urge to die, though I occasionally wish I have never be born. It was very unnatural of me to see through because I feel incomplete; I am just consequence of your hatred from life. Was I so responsible for your pain, was I responsible for you not doing any salaried job, was I responsible when your son died, what I just did. Could you tell me?

I tried to escape but you are too good to people, they think its wrong with my brain, you tried to send me to asylum, consulted psychiatrist, paid them to give me medicines which eventually will make me sleepy all the day long.

I have understood something today. I am’nt responsible for anything that happens to anyone in this world but myself, after struggling so many years pleasing you and trying to find default mistakes in me I hear that I am a good person, I have done enough for you.

Today I am fleeing forever, please keep a helper, I won’t be available for your choirs, I won’t be available for making tea for your friends or the one who entertains their kids leaving study. I am born for different things if not great. Let me explore a bit.

Ps. I will pray for you.

The dream

I saw a dream yesterday and that is strange because I normally don’t see vivid dreams something like I had seen yesterday night . In the dream I was about to give my final exam very important for me, I mismatched the timing and reached few minutes late I wasn’t allowed to give the exam, the lady at the gate was cruel, she allowed others but not me, that was partial.

There was pleading, crying and so much. I could literally feel the pain. I was allowed when everyone had their exams off. I had a friend with me who wasn’t taking interest in anything.

I cursed her, the lady, I was in pain. I cursed her very badly. She was still smiling in ego.

I still feel bad. Cursing isn’t good even if they have wronged us. Sometimes people hurt each other in ignorance. That’s not our issue, god must handle

I clean

I am sorry , Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you

The Story [Sequence 1]

He the one who loved everyone so compassionately without grossing much for his old age is not taking things seriously, he the one who had been a man of the family sometimes do not understand the pain in the heart for small causes by the grown up children, not a good thing to expect from their children since that is how the world works. Around the corner a small pace of therapy book awaits him, he always wanted to join medical, something pulled him towards it but the family influences hoped much for financial security. He could not study much about the sciences but eventually settled for the better. He was terrified by the expectations of the world and soon he could decide anything he had the child. He was sure that the destiny has greater surprises but eventually he was tired.

A slow down in the age and a fast pace life style, he missed so much, a family around and a telepathic compassion. All that he had always desired were not always given but he was determined for his values. The story laid itself a foundation and soon there was a tremendous change. Things changed but not always the desired way. We assume certain things and the values settle. We gather the eventual counseling but god always have his hands behind the creature he created, not merely the flesh or body the god take cares of the being, the soul.

You are beautiful, certainly far better than what you achieve. Your soul ambition must be to love yourself. The greater part of your life and smaller segments of scales. You are just as I have imagined all my life. Proud me with your pout and I won’t doubt you, giggle in front of me with silly jokes. Why dam not you let me to understand you, your girly talks and smirking eyes. You being audacious to me sometimes gives me zeal to control you but you are far from being dominated or ruled, you are off course my colourful soul, while this whole world notifies you to be different I believe that you are conditionally unavailable to many. You are the tremendous happiness in the world of hope, this one generous eulogy will never end, unless that’s you who desire us to be together.

Ps there’s a lot which might not sound better on words but my world flies around you, you being the party of my home where I find the peace and rest. I love you

Ex(tinct)istance

I don’t think so, I don’t think so that the world is going in a wrong direction. In fact from where I am looking at it, it’s the top most view of the highest possibility on the earth. I can securely tell you that this world is going in a correct direction. I believe this world have never experienced this bliss before. From the southern part of the world where most of the nonviolent creatures have been kept to the north most magnetic asylums, the world is going in a right direction.

If we could literally create meanings to our lives we would have made better decisions but whatever we have made so far are the best. To create natural awareness we do not want to set forth our existence but to find our real places in the survival list. It is quite weird to understand this concept from a slogan but I think we can do better. We can be anywhere anytime given any proficiency and command over our existence. To this similar day if we can understand that our lives are connected, we will stop looking each other and concentrate on our own business.

Around the world to the similar corners I believe we all have similar conspiracies and we can decide which legitimation would follow us after we leave this plane. We came here without plans and as our awareness is adapted to this setting and arrangement we believe it is our natural habitat, we observe and create greater mistakes and seek them as our possibilities but we as a human are more than that, we as a soul are enough.

Distance beyond

Probably that’s the insight now how we put into our lives; we don’t want to understand many of the matters given so many predetermined consequences of living. Probably you are not aware of many signs of hurt or desperation. It’s a sudden jolt of life where the water is beyond the lining of prototype.

It’s bad to get hurt, these un-original feelings of staying on a cage of raft and not understanding why all of a sudden thing fell down. Deep down I know how it feels to be hurt, get betrayed or over insulted. There is a thin layer of submissive abuses we all receive when compared with degrees of existence. I don’t want to stay here for long but as much as I do I believe we all deserve a kind of happiness which doesn’t require much of the explanation.

That’s right; my soul has been thrashed like you might have felt some day, why this pain was so important to grow, because someday something might need our strength to work on. That’s very obvious to deal bullies but no one ever told me how to deal with sudden loneliness. This kind of loneliness appears to me at crowd, may be because I am reluctant to accept people. That’s the way beyond my journey. I have grown up in a very protective environment, I was always asked first to unwarp the gift, cut the cake, no matter whose birthday that was. It is just the moment of time when I had stepped out, stayed with new people called roomies and was forced to share a bathroom because living alone in a room with speaking walls couldn’t be a good idea. Not that I am a coward, I just love company but to some extent.

I grew and tremendous power was needed to choose between the thoughts of others and that of mine, I was just making no significant nurturing to love, that’s a foreign thing. Things are quite weird at my side because that’s what I define everything in my life ‘weird’, I am  weird, my neighbors are weird, the people in the world are weird my siblings are weird, everyone is weird and I hate them like I love them at once.

This teen blood is really on my head. The sudden need of money when I would see my favorite book will remind me of the guilt of leaving promising job, sudden need of money when I would need a new top in the sale would remind me the same, darting back to my emotions I would look into the mirror and tell myself what I secretly make in my promising align.

Sometimes that’s difficult too but I still know the degree of hatred, hurt and physical abuse. There is greater pain too that’s called the supreme injustice. I get to see him fly abroad while soaking his emotions on me, I feel fooled and used. That’s where I distrust humanity and emotions more than anything.

We don’t have to be tortured to gain the freedom that’s a myth, a trap but eventually I am into it. He get to enjoy his new girlfriend and I get piles of thoughts about ‘ WHY’ well this will end and like every other such story I am expecting a sudden breakthrough in my life and looking his jealous heart would give me peace beyond infinity.

Wow! I am just getting too emotional with myself.

Pain is a terrible thing, he has taught me that, love is a mess and he has taught me that too . Yet and but there are days when he sends me random pictures of the street, playing kids, barber shop, balloons and street lamp. It’s how he defines every way I have existed in this world without being physically available at the places. To make thins better he has taught me to let go what I could not control. That’s the beauty of his existence.

Things about him, I will tell you, it’s difficult to define someone I have met years ago. It wouldn’t be quite obvious to make him the real hero of my life but certainly we have our own virtual existence. Good thing is that we met and when I got to know him this world was a better place. I could breathe, smell and smile at the same time, there wasn’t any suffocation, there wasn’t any suffocation