Distance beyond

Probably that’s the insight now how we put into our lives; we don’t want to understand many of the matters given so many predetermined consequences of living. Probably you are not aware of many signs of hurt or desperation. It’s a sudden jolt of life where the water is beyond the lining of prototype.

It’s bad to get hurt, these un-original feelings of staying on a cage of raft and not understanding why all of a sudden thing fell down. Deep down I know how it feels to be hurt, get betrayed or over insulted. There is a thin layer of submissive abuses we all receive when compared with degrees of existence. I don’t want to stay here for long but as much as I do I believe we all deserve a kind of happiness which doesn’t require much of the explanation.

That’s right; my soul has been thrashed like you might have felt some day, why this pain was so important to grow, because someday something might need our strength to work on. That’s very obvious to deal bullies but no one ever told me how to deal with sudden loneliness. This kind of loneliness appears to me at crowd, may be because I am reluctant to accept people. That’s the way beyond my journey. I have grown up in a very protective environment, I was always asked first to unwarp the gift, cut the cake, no matter whose birthday that was. It is just the moment of time when I had stepped out, stayed with new people called roomies and was forced to share a bathroom because living alone in a room with speaking walls couldn’t be a good idea. Not that I am a coward, I just love company but to some extent.

I grew and tremendous power was needed to choose between the thoughts of others and that of mine, I was just making no significant nurturing to love, that’s a foreign thing. Things are quite weird at my side because that’s what I define everything in my life ‘weird’, I am  weird, my neighbors are weird, the people in the world are weird my siblings are weird, everyone is weird and I hate them like I love them at once.

This teen blood is really on my head. The sudden need of money when I would see my favorite book will remind me of the guilt of leaving promising job, sudden need of money when I would need a new top in the sale would remind me the same, darting back to my emotions I would look into the mirror and tell myself what I secretly make in my promising align.

Sometimes that’s difficult too but I still know the degree of hatred, hurt and physical abuse. There is greater pain too that’s called the supreme injustice. I get to see him fly abroad while soaking his emotions on me, I feel fooled and used. That’s where I distrust humanity and emotions more than anything.

We don’t have to be tortured to gain the freedom that’s a myth, a trap but eventually I am into it. He get to enjoy his new girlfriend and I get piles of thoughts about ‘ WHY’ well this will end and like every other such story I am expecting a sudden breakthrough in my life and looking his jealous heart would give me peace beyond infinity.

Wow! I am just getting too emotional with myself.


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