The pungent smell in the hospital rotates my head, visiting the same hospital everyday has drown me sick and tickles my head. Anxiety rolls my head and everyday I just tell myself 'just one more day and it will be over' I sit there quietly do not eye-contact people it makes thing weird. I lit my two sets of schedule and sit there quietly taking my prescription for the day and head back again. Everyday has become so like an entropy to me. I wake up go for a walk which is prescribed again, meet with people and try to be as happy as I could possibly be and I wonder how my normal friends are doing back in the office and how much I wish I could go back and head back normally. Yet everything has a reason and I am quite not in mind to understand, I wake up and go to the hospital everyday, every bloody day!
It's a huge impact, taking me around the corners and letting me sick a little bit, I give a thought on the results, am I improving even a bit? Am I going to get back what I am loosing everyday, will these new therapies work on me? Is there anyway I could think of which would get me back to my schedules. Even if they don't ask my eyes speak more than I could deliver with my tongue in it. I am just hoping and this encourages me to no where. The better it gets the worst it seems and I head back to home and apart the distance of taking new insight I feel lost, I wonder if somewhere it was written about how badly I deserve that because I have hurt few people which they assume to be right.
Anyway! That's not all my heart seeks, I terribly want to get away from this cage which sort of making me feel sicker every single day, I have tried talking to my old friends and it had worked, few have turned weird and one has blocked me for God sense why!
I don't want to think on it but it does bothers me, I miss the air my good times gave me and not that it's all getting bad but it's definitely not where I wanted to head. This more or less sound amazing because I have got a thing to break. The bravest creature in me is fighting along the terminal illness which god knows appears to me again and again and I think I may die this time and this would end much of my patience and I am ready for it. I certainly want to talk to few people before I go and tell them that there is more to this life than making grudges for nothing. I don't talk to my brother now a days and that bothers him, he follows me everywhere, he finds it difficult to digest that I am dying everyday, not that others are growing their life but certainly it's his sister this time and it definitely bothers him, what kind of disgusting situation is he into?
I can't help myself preserve from the world now and I am avoiding going out, it disgust me even more, looking at people leading a normal life with nothing to deal in their body and mind irritates me and making new friends in this land is even difficult for me because I couldn't explain them everything.
I do miss people but I am not yet ready to face them.
#JustAPost
The courage that I seek to live!!
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