The courage that I seek to live!!

The pungent smell in the hospital rotates my head, visiting the same hospital everyday has drown me sick and tickles my head. Anxiety rolls my head and everyday I just tell myself 'just one more day and it will be over' I sit there quietly do not eye-contact people it makes thing weird. I lit my two sets of schedule and sit there quietly taking my prescription for the day and head back again. Everyday has become so like an entropy to me. I wake up go for a walk which is prescribed again, meet with people and try to be as happy as I could possibly be and I wonder how my normal friends are doing back in the office and how much I wish I could go back and head back normally. Yet everything has a reason and I am quite not in mind to understand, I wake up and go to the hospital everyday, every bloody day!
It's a huge impact, taking me around the corners and letting me sick a little bit, I give a thought on the results, am I improving even a bit? Am I going to get back what I am loosing everyday, will these new therapies work on me? Is there anyway I could think of which would get me back to my schedules. Even if they don't ask my eyes speak more than I could deliver with my tongue in it. I am just hoping and this encourages me to no where. The better it gets the worst it seems and I head back to home and apart the distance of taking new insight I feel lost, I wonder if somewhere it was written about how badly I deserve that because I have hurt few people which they assume to be right.
Anyway! That's not all my heart seeks, I terribly want to get away from this cage which sort of making me feel sicker every single day, I have tried talking to my old friends and it had worked, few have turned weird and one has blocked me for God sense why!
I don't want to think on it but it does bothers me, I miss the air my good times gave me and not that it's all getting bad but it's definitely not where I wanted to head. This more or less sound amazing because I have got a thing to break. The bravest creature in me is fighting along the terminal illness which god knows appears to me again and again and I think I may die this time and this would end much of my patience and I am ready for it. I certainly want to talk to few people before I go and tell them that there is more to this life than making grudges for nothing. I don't talk to my brother now a days and that bothers him, he follows me everywhere, he finds it difficult to digest that I am dying everyday, not that others are growing their life but certainly it's his sister this time and it definitely bothers him, what kind of disgusting situation is he into?
I can't help myself preserve from the world now and I am avoiding going out, it disgust me even more, looking at people leading a normal life with nothing to deal in their body and mind irritates me and making new friends in this land is even difficult for me because I couldn't explain them everything.
I do miss people but I am not yet ready to face them.


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