Like that it has never been

I have some torn pages of the memories, some pages those just could be influenced by reading them again and again. I know I have been handling other people’s anger without hitting them on their head or cutting their egos, this is bad! Completely ignorant for self.

What I have decided for tonight is to sit here, fold my legs and forgive each and everything, have my night tea and MOVE ON.

What huge difference does it make? A lot, a lot more than I can explain.

Letting those stranger bid you off beat ‘bye’, someone known telling you how awful I have become, the need to take care of people who never care for me anymore, the old pattern chats and multiple faces.

It is so relaxing to sit back, lie down and being not be judged for what I have done.

Shouting, yelling and expressing pain does not suit everyone, it do not stir their partial feelings. If they don’t want to understand they will never understand, they will stay as long as their inner being will permit or sometimes your inner being could admit. Loosing you was painful baby, missing you is even better.

I miss your touch, your warm hands, your hugs, your puffy shoulder, your ‘always get me’ attitude, your understanding silence and your quick reactions to mine, life was so better with you once.

Today I hold your letters, your precious letter, re-read them again and again, compile them, sing them, hug them, and kiss them. Some of them have my lips imprinted on them.

I can hold your hand through it, kiss them and just be where I am. With you I never had to be tough, with you I never felt dominating.

Now a days I write a lot, I write few pages and then sit back but I don’t feel to tell anyone about our secrets, it has been a week I have talked to people about the random things, I spend night talking to you, on a serious note, I don’t want someone else to read my crazy stuff anymore, they don’t even care. You do, you always do.

I cannot promise to let go them, I cannot promise to make you understand how much beautiful it has been with you, with your memories, I just want to make sure that it is just you and I making love in very polite way.

I am not scared of anyone but some of the memories those haunt, my dark circles are the answer of all those sleepless nights I have spent waiting for you but not everyone deserves to know that.

I miss you, I purely, profoundly, emphatically and utterly do. I miss each bit of yours, cunning cuddles and smiles after you found I was lying to you. I want you to prove me that it was true.

Catch me, hold me, and bring me out of this.

I don’t know what I have to know from this but your absence haunts me more than anything now a days, I have been tittering around people who ultimately shows me no sympathy for not being myself anymore. I hate myself for doing this to me, why, why?

Why I need to be someone I never knew exists inside of me.

You know you were right “people will fall into place once we fit into ourselves.”


One thought on “Like that it has never been

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