Love me, if you can


I washed my legs, pretty good to do that, the clean waxing surface area was still visible; I wondered if that is what I was figuring out all long days. It was week ahead that I was wondering that I really had to rush to parlor, not because my legs demanded them, I am a chemo patient, I don’t have much hair on my body, yet I love doing motherly matters to my body.

I handed her 300 bucks for cleaning both of my legs. She gave me a stare of what and why should she even apply these waxing rigs, it would hurt me, she indicated my sister in law in some sign quotient. She in return gave her a bottle of skin smoother without even knowing the part was visible to me, well I kind of wanted to be normal, I did not wanted this to act semi appearance of my fate.

Cancer gave me wealth to understand my life and chemotherapies gave me visions to understand my body. When a single drop of drug enters your body making everything senseless and for a second we feel no air, no wind, just little grudges of pain and accelerative future of hair fall, numbness, chemo brain, for a second when the eyesight is blurred our souls pass through different dimensions. It cannot bear that drug-fullness. Slowly we get used to it, the pungent smell of hospitals, everyday checkups and weird stress from your family at our each breath, well I am used to it, so is my best friend. Wonder if we had cameos at the same days so that we did not had to waste our rest of the days wondering who will get well sooner and come for a play.

I am 20, almost done with my teen in cancer and I am telling you, it makes me love myself even more. It makes me special, something different from others.

I am growing on my hair because my body cannot tolerate any of the drug, the detoxifiers are working pretty nice, I look girly now, after a age I have sensed my feminine vibrations (thank god for that), and now my skin breathes, and my best friend could not run the battle so he passed, I still wonder if our souls meet when I sleep.

Love me if you can, for whatever weird looks I give, for every stupid questions I ask, because it makes me wonder why things are like this, why everything and everyone around me is behaving so.


-a love letter from a leukaemiac


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