What cheating is?
I never knew unless i met him.
He cheated on me, not by betraying me but by loving me.
Had not he loved me so much, i would have never cried after he left.
It is a mixed feeling, i miss him, i hate him but i could not stop loving him.
His poems, his letters and his songs on my birthday, i hear them like a lullaby.
He sent me friend request, i cheacked our mutual friend’s list,
52 was fine for me to trust in his character.
Most of my friends knew him, he had cute display and his status were farting funny.
He used all those creepy words we are ashamed to pronounce.
“hi, you have a cute smile and your eyes are beautiful”
I never had someone like him to complement me those honest.
My heart went jiggling, they were dancing.
As if i was talking to someone i was waiting for, for this so long.
“hi, thank you”
I prefer not to talk more than a line in my newly added conversation beef.
“what do you do?” he took intrest ib my privicy like we expecr from everybody.
“nothing, i eat, watch tv and sleep”
He left me bunch of conversations after that.
I liked him, i striked off my wish list of finding a perfect life partner because i felt i did.
I was very happy because my life was peoviding me with all those hapiness i wrote in my wish list.
My book was about to get published, i went on foreign tourz,i found my life partner, my grades were smiling with grinning teeth.
I had the perfect life ever, it was so silently happy that i almosr forget the proverb that spoke “silence before a storm is peaceful”.
I surely was effecting my happy life by avoiding the truth behind everything.
I felt jinxed when i felt he was not trustworthy.
I lied myself each day, i ignored what he was doing because i had loved him.
Idid not wanted to leave my wishlist and optimal list of loving only one person whole my life.
I always wanted to love someone i was going to marry. I always wanted to just love that one guy and now that i loved him with that priviledge i wanted him to stay with me.
Guys do talk to other girlz; 5there should not be any other intention than to have some good friends.
What if he loved talking to them more than me, i hardly understood that he was bored.
He was no more intrested in sending me those weird messages of his sick health because i took no intrest in his attention seeking lies but i never betrayed or ignored.
When those girls would stop talking to him, he would miss me, send me weird messages again, i would forgive him, my heart would beat faster and my body would go hot.
My stomach would seek butterflues and i would feel him closer.
Soon, i found out him, he would impress other girls much more than he would to me.
I felg guilty, because i promised my elder brother that i never would break his trust and make a boyfriend, i never did.
He was not my boyfriend rather a bestfriend i loved truly and i believed that he is the one guy i would marry so there was no chance of betraying my brother’s faith.
I felt bad about myself that day because i was entertaining a wrong guy, i was dancing in his feet so i decided not to make his paintings anymore,not to tag him in any of my posts, not to shoe him my love anymore because i guess other woman around the world were being impressed with the way i was showing him up.
I felt cheated then.
One day he came to my city, i was excited, thrilled and i forgave him again.
I have a ability to sense vibrations like any other extra loving girl, i had my inbuilt intutions of recognizing his intentions.
He was afraid of the insecurities of not being priviledged by me anymore.
He sure was aware of my ignorance.
He deliberately took my forgiveness for granted and asked for some weird demand.
I was shattered, i was cheated again.
This time i took some time to understand him again and i gave a thought on why should i be guilty anymore?
I took my reaponsiblity to keep him happy, to see him grow, i prayed for him, i did every possible way to keep him on tracks.
Today i forgave myself,and i told myself every possible way of not breaking my own promisez, i made another wish list and i started over again.
It was not him i was loving in, it was that one person i was to marry like my life’s plans, he was just a path.
He was just an imagination of how my life partner should be.
He went back but i made sure that he do not go sad, no matter what his intentions were, i made sure my intentions should be right.
I came back home and i cried, unaware of the reason; i felt lonely and frangile.
My heart has broke and it was painful; he did not understand that, he never tries to, it was always his feelings for primary than mine; qnd i made sure that his primary feeling should be treated well.
I did not break my all relations with him, i still could manage to forgive him and kept talking to him,kept making him feel special.
I started to trust him again, i started to see my life partner in him;he acted fine to me.
He acted it.
One fine day i got courage to accept his lies because i no more could manage with my feelings of loving someone else, that small doctionary fact was not in my life’s plan.
How am i suppose to love someone again,it would be cheating, i could not understand my own feelings, it was painful, i did not have courage to consult my brother or friends.
He went on relationship with someone else,it gave me a sense of relief because i had a clear vision of what to do next.
But my feelings?
They were ceying, they could not see a way around.
After that day i saw every guy as a cheat, lier and dishonest.
I stood stiff and beautiful for myself and i understood that there lies a world within ourselves that holds nice gentleman and there exists trust and honesty.
I found my life partner and i strikd off my wish list’s line where i held my intention of meeting someone like me.
My love for that last guy was not a lie it was just a form; i loved him with an intention of loving my life partner, and i really obeyed my brother’s plans for me abd i never cheated myself again.
I managed to forgive that guy because he is the reason i met love of my life.
Thank you dear dishonest, ykur cheating gave me a better life, god bless you 🙂