“Good enough” I respected his decision after a long avail conversation between him and his New (better don’t remind myself about it). Watching him playing with my patience and competitive love was a hard thing no doubt, but it was a worth paying for what I did.
Stupid myself, I expected and love is not a behavioural quantity to expect, it already assign a warning synonym for what we couldn’t grab so long forth.
It took a good number of struggling days to come across and finally fight back the revealing truth and tell myself “this isn’t an end; life is a far way beyond”. At least I now so know, what I need to do next, and what I will never choose on my context.
Switching over my mood swings, I had this approachable conversation with my cousin Mayank, who neither a less is a best friend to me, as far beyond, he suggested me to write these whole things, whatsoever comes to my mind, but I am making sure, I write what is worth.
May be one day, I open my blog, re-read this and laugh, may be this one little short phrase he shared with me changes a life (if it really does, I will grab a plus point from god)
So here it is, what he exactly said me:
“Not every guy is same” I being a patient listener heard this for almost 20 times from almost a last 20 days. It seems a total time waste for me, because I never thought I would ever enjoy my time in a psychiatrist’s office, sitting and unable to narrate her what was really wrong with me.
Certainly, at this point of my life, I badly wished something, something that I am unable to express, neither could I then.
The situation seems quite regularly same, something that I had experienced few years ago, dancing with ego and that too during my exams only.
I statically need to figure out my life. This signs do not seem a right voyage for my dreams.
Oh yes! Finally I remembered, I had a dream, I am having a dream, I always had.
I looked into the mirror, pale, insignificant, dull myself. Trying to figure out stuffs that really did not mattered to anyone around me, I had just one such girl to turn around, that was my little best friend shilpa, thank god I have such a useless freak in my life.
Then there came another moment of confronting his little sober excuses, which were hardly revealing and convincing to me. Then I gave a thought “he lied for such a long term, few more last lies I can handle”.
I and my cousin had little local language conversation (something that comes commercially and naturally, let me make sure, we did not cursed that guy, at least he don’t).
My psychiatrist consulted my elder brother, asking him, I seriously need something.
Oh yes! I did, and that night, I had this big bottle of scotch, some beer and some blue bottles revealing nothing to me. That was bad an idea, I realised that later.
My rest of the classmates, seemingly held books and roamed, I held the same books with some sort of disguise in mind, wondering clueless.
I always wanted to shed some weight, so did my cousin. Eventually this sadness had taken away our craving, and even if we do, we have this big bottle and we share.
Thing is, I literally came to know that, there wasn’t a thing called love between us, we were need to each other, and love doesn’t happens this way.
I do not find it strange; rather it is stupid to think about something that is stupid ally stupid. Certainly this blog post is only way to share this uncertain feeling I am going though, maybe I can give this piece of shit to my psychiatrist and she could know a little and stop shouting that I had turn a serious mental disguise.
I am not mad, I am simply the awesomeness trying to get even little more cute now a days.
Love was always a part of my respect, it always will. If someone really couldn’t handle my true sense, it isn’t their fault, not everyone can digest well.
There might be a true good reason why this happened and I will share that with you soon, amen.
And guess what, true love happens to people who are really true.
All I remember is that Mayank said “IF YOU CHEAT OTHERS YOU WILL BE CHEATED”