Together that night we had formed a family, a family of essence and conceptual realities made of imaginable acts of surrendered virtues. Today it has been a long journey of finding error free environment and asks me, it wasn’t a real short journey of flaws. We had such a long term of short fights and nights of silent wars but the strength grew together without fail.
Today we are complete ting our 14th wedding anniversary and it feels like a tale of yesterdays. When we first met, a silent blogger meet at New York getitorium and how from strangers we turned someone like a serious one soul. This journey seems a long but I am still not satisfied, I need a restart, like a fresh restart with everything.
I want to see everything grow once again, because growing old is no fun now, when we married, I was just little girl passed out my graduation, 21 for some real reasons and 20 for some other fells. But the serious matter of fact between both of us was those wintery nights, falling sick was a fun.
I loved them; feverish nights and I loved it when he sat whole night beside me. His concerned forehead screams and anger really brought smile next day morning. I kept reminding every now and then of how well I was being treated. I feel princess with him.
Slowly our dynasty grew after a long period of exhale. The day I grew up with my labours really pushed my thought to think over the beautiful feeling of being a mother. The intensified labours and painful permission of landing my both kids in this beautiful world was one of my biggest surprises of securing my well uniformed position of promotional event. I feel queen with them now.
Not being able to capture my happy moments with feeling of anxiety and equally a strange feeling that is hard to express, I learnt how to hold babies., My mother and mother in law unsure of, if I ever will find ways to handle both kids all alone, that too not even staying in India, finding no elderly guardian and keen eyes for every stupid expressions kids give. A mother understands everything, I do not know how but she does, she learns everything for them, I understand when they are hungry, when they need to change their hug-pants and when they need a play time. Like every other mother would know, every women turning to mother is provided with special intuitive powers, now you can catch on how my mother had always found why I was so late and never attended my classes, I never told her.
Initially I thought it would be all right, sooner or later but my possessiveness grew with time, now I know how my mother always asked me to leave home with a additional luggage of lunch boxes and now I wonder how she felt when I shared my Tiffin with my friends and never gave a good look to them, I now understand why my eating canteen wasn’t a good feeling to her, and why she ways cared for me.
For every mom, her child is still the little fellow, small ass, watery nosy and still she is concerned if he had his potty at morning before going out.
This is an amazing journey that nobody can ever think of describing into small phases of words.
Along little legs they grew, small counting talks and lots of precious moments that a mother never wants to let go.
Now when I think of phrases I did to haunt my husband’s night, tried every single thing to bother him of my sick health. How cunningly I tried home remedies to fall sick, just to find his attention. I regret all tears he felt because of me, but today when I hold thermometer to check my own temperature of all tortures my little asses do, I feel the pain of dividing my love for three of them.
Once for all I feel like, having three kids at home, summer, winter when earlier reminded me of romance and causalities, now I give extra anxiety to each season for every illness that is on trend.
I cannot describe in words how does it feels to grow like a mother, each moment there is a fear, a defined fear for her child, for everything they do, About their friends, studies and most of health.
I have never been so careless, I felt like this every time they sneeze. What new vegetable, what new proteins, what new calories and someway I forgot what new taste.
From little hygiene to bigger matters, I had turn a big red angry bird mumma, as per my children, least they knew, this mumma is full of granular worries for them, and most of the bothering boy is PAPA.
Daddy who comes late home and until three of his kids sleeps he doesn’t flips eye, our little happy family is attached with threads of growing nostalgic dust that brings past, future and present of diseases and with it brings carryon folks of surrounding insects of worry.
Later on the day I discovered, during my early days in college, my mother fed me two table spoon of dabour chawanprash and how flicking it changed my mood, mentally, physically and energetically I felt life.
This couldn’t be more wealthy for me ever, a suggestion and an idea for a mother like me, for mothers like me, I have buckets of thankful gratitude chocolates and happy go lucky mumma for my kids, and a newly made energized wife for my husband who most frequently said “I can’t find you the you anymore” and nothing in history had ever made me this sad, for my family, for each strength of my materialistic world in this dimension, I had relied completely on those two spoons of morning and night, life is magical now.
and a grand thanks to Indiblogger who helped me reveal my feelings after such a long time and thank you Dabur